"Otto" (Otto-TheSillyCarsLover) 08/21/2013 at 19:46 • Filed to: None

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crown victor victoria > Otto 08/21/2013 at 19:48

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It's part of the gearhead code: When your car breaks down, even if you don't know what the hell you're doing, you open the hood and stare.

Gamecat235 > crown victor victoria 08/21/2013 at 19:52

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"That thing? That's the discombobulator. It makes the whatsit over there turn and then this doohickey, that thing is why I think we're stuck. It looks like it shouldn't look like that."

Osiris - I can haz Euro spec? > Gamecat235 08/21/2013 at 19:54

2

My Aveo decided to die a couple weeks ago. Started pouring white smoke out the tail pipe. Wife asked me what was wrong with it (as we're on the side of the road and I have the hood open). Only thing I could think of was to tell her that the engine decided to elect a new pope! Come to find out later, I had oil burning in the throttle body.

crown victor victoria > Gamecat235 08/21/2013 at 19:57

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I tend to focus on the things I do recognize/understand, usually with a running dialog between me and the car where I am the only one talking:

"Ok. Alright. Ok car, are we sure we're not stopped here on the side of the freeway because...uh...the air filter is messed up?"

*checks*

"Nope, that wasn't it. That looked ok. Uhm, whattabout...the dipstick! Did it break off or somethin?"

*checks*

"Nah that was fine, too. Damn. Well I'm running out of things to look at here. Are you sure you don't want to catch fire right now, or at least have something blow up while I've got the hood up so I won't sound like a complete choad at the mechanic?"

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > Gamecat235 08/21/2013 at 20:00

1

When trying to fix a cute girl's broken car

"Can you pop the hood?" (the latch releases and the hood slightly lifts. You start running your fingers through the crack, trying to find the latch, and after struggling for a few minutes, you get it to go. You then lift the hood and begin looking.)

"Well... theres your problem... that looks like it is broken."

"What? What's broken?"

"That thing... its just broken."

"Can you fix it?"

"No.. I'm not that good. Let me call a tow truck."

BlazinAce - Doctor of Internal Combustion > Otto 08/21/2013 at 20:01

0

Had one of those moments today, my power locks just up and quit on me when I was leaving for class and all I could do then was pull off the upholstery and stare at the lock mechanism.

Later that day, after pulling my car out of the dark garage I had parked in, I decided to check the fusebox, which I should have done before anything else to begin with, and found a blown 20A fuse keeping the locks from working.

SR20:

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > Otto 08/21/2013 at 20:01

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When trying to fix a cute girl's broken car

"Can you pop the hood?" (the latch releases and the hood slightly lifts. You start running your fingers through the crack, trying to find the latch, and after struggling for a few minutes, you get it to go. You then lift the hood and begin looking.)

"Well... theres your problem... that looks like it is broken."

"What? What's broken?"

"That thing... its just broken."

"Can you fix it?"

"No.. I'm not that good. Let me call a tow truck."

crown victor victoria > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! 08/21/2013 at 20:05

1

Hahaha yeah I have done that same thing before. But I used a modifier at section 6.

After "Can you fix it?" I went with "Maybe (PUTS ON SRS FACE), let me see."

15 minutes later...

"Nah I don't have the right tools. Can you get me my phone? I ripped up my knuckles and I don't wanna get blood all over your car."

crashonice > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! 08/21/2013 at 20:07

2

This exactly - although IMO, never admit the lack of personal ability when asked if you can fix it, just claim that "Probably, but not without xyz tool".

Incompetence should always be blamed on an equipment malfunction/absence. Always.

Bird > crown victor victoria 08/21/2013 at 20:08

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Unless the problem is obviously suspension related...then the appropriate action is to pace around the car craning your neck and kicking the tires.

BlazinAce - Doctor of Internal Combustion > Otto 08/21/2013 at 20:13

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What really annoys me about these times, though, is that even when you do know what's wrong and how to fix it, you don't have the appropriate parts and tools at hand, and the part that breaks doesn't usually just rough itself slightly out of shape, no it self-destructs with the intensity of a thousand supernovas, cracking metal casings, rupturing rubber gaskets and spilling its fluids, if any, all over your engine bay.

That's what really sucks...

Mazarin > Otto 08/21/2013 at 20:17

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PowderHound > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! 08/21/2013 at 20:19

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You start running your fingers through the crack, trying to find the latch, and after struggling for a few minutes, you get it to go.

I believe that part comes either while waiting for the tow truck or after the car is dropped off and you offer to house her for the time being. That's totally how all these situations work right?

Michael Delaney reaches down between his legs and eases the seat back > crown victor victoria 08/21/2013 at 20:34

1

As Dave Barry says, nod and frown importantly.

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > crashonice 08/21/2013 at 20:53

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That is true... very true

Dusty Ventures > Otto 08/21/2013 at 21:47

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The universal posture of a man who has no idea what he's looking at but is pretending he does because there's a girl watching

Random Commenter > Mazarin 08/21/2013 at 21:49

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That reminds me... I've always wondered... Has anyone ever converted a 911 to be front engine/RWD? Think I'll do a google search...

Jonathan Harper > Mazarin 08/21/2013 at 21:52

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Looks very suspiciously like our 993. How many C4S's can there be with 996 turbo wheels?

Okay, probably a lot.

webmonkees > Otto 08/21/2013 at 22:06

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Dusty Ventures > BlazinAce - Doctor of Internal Combustion 08/21/2013 at 22:26

1

Very true. Case in point, this was the result of a simple tie rod failure.

itranthelasttimeiparkedit > Jonathan Harper 08/21/2013 at 22:27

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my wife walked by the other day when I was working on my MR2 and asked when I had pulled the engine...she was standing in the front of the car

Jonathan Harper > itranthelasttimeiparkedit 08/21/2013 at 22:30

1

You should have said, "A few minutes ago.."

BlazinAce - Doctor of Internal Combustion > Dusty Ventures 08/21/2013 at 22:35

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Small failures that render the car motionless are the worst! I once drove several miles home on an ailing and misfiring engine, but a ruptured clutch cylinder and all of a sudden I had to mount a freaking operation to get the car out of the parking lot and on top of a flatbed...

Rebuilding the aforementioned engine took over a year, between searching overseas for parts and figuring out what went where and how tight, while fixing the clutch with the bare minimum of what constitutes a tool box took like 30 minutes, haha...

beardsbynelly - Rikerbeard > itranthelasttimeiparkedit 08/21/2013 at 22:47

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I drive an SW20 and I was stopped by police outside of a car show looking for illegal engine mods etc.

His sergeant was watching from a distance and burst out in laughter when I opened the bonnet for him. Good times.

RalphA > Jonathan Harper 08/21/2013 at 22:56

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They look like regular C4S/993 Turbo Wheels to me.

Jonathan Harper > RalphA 08/21/2013 at 22:59

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True. Upon closer inspection (google) looks they they had almost identical wheel designs on the 993 C4S and the 996 Turbo.

JasonStern911 > Otto 08/21/2013 at 23:46

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Guy doesn't know about the magic that is:

Pour it in your gas tank to clean your fuel injectors, or keep carburetors from gumming up due to crappy ethanol based fuels. Pour it in the intake to clean valves. Pour it in your oil before an oil change to break up all of the dirt deposits. Pour it in your windshield wiper fluid to disintegrate bugs you are too lazy to wipe off your windshield. Pour it on your brakes to stop squeeling noises (safety warning - your stopping power may vary after doing so). Pour it in your air conditioning system instead of Freon to cause Old Man Winter to personally come cool your balls off. Sure, it's just pale oil, naptha, and isopropyl alcohol, but it's magical pale oil, naptha, and isopropyl alcohol.